Exercise Your Leadership Muscles
“A leader is only able to exert positive influence on a system to which s/he is connected.”
Resilient Leadership 2.0
Absence may make our hearts grow fonder, but for sure, it makes our leadership grow weaker. Successful leaders stay connected to all members of their team, especially those who prove to be the most difficult.
A Few Thoughts: The people we are avoiding know it. Their comfort level (anxiety) is impacted by our absences. Some of their energy is tied up in wondering why they feel “outed”. Our influence and contribution to their world is diminished by our lack of connection. The longer we stay apart, the harder it will be to reconnect.
We should ask ourselves:
- Who are we avoiding?
- What is the impact on them?
- On others?
- On us?
Remember: Leaders make the first move. Strong leaders make the first move as soon as possible.
Our first impulse, when threatened, is to react. Our primitive brain shouts at us: “For heaven’s sake, DO SOMETHING!”
But our thinking brain urges caution and offers guidance. The Resilient Leadership model provides a framework for calm, clarity, and courage in the face of what can feel like a barrage of lethal threats. It reminds us that some comments and actions during times like these must be avoided. For example, to maintain our balance and our leadership effectiveness, we cannot:
- Withdraw in the face of high anxiety.
- Tell others how they should feel and what they should think or do, especially when tempted to provide our unsolicited opinion.
- Seek only information that supports our current viewpoint.
- Focus exclusively on advocacy for our own beliefs while ignoring the views of others.
- Adopt an “us versus them” or “good versus bad” perspective that overly simplifies the complexity of hot-button issues.
Such behaviors are examples of reactive choices. And we always have a choice. Reactive responses to emotionally charged issues are common but not inevitable. There are better options. Whenever we are faced with a difficult, complex, emotion-laden issue, taking a pause for a deep breath (or two) can provide the space for thoughtfulness to override the amygdala hijack.
These are the kinds of practical suggestions that can help us respond in a more thoughtful way.
- Ask if there is a way to reframe what we are seeing or thinking - to replace strident judgment with genuine curiosity.
- Stay connected to those whose different perspectives may feel threatening, ignorant, or even deliberately evil.
- Listen to everyone’s story. Their experience has informed their perspective, and working to understand their experience at a deeper level may yield new insights and a better appreciation of their viewpoint.
- Share what you believe - and what you are unsure of - in a calm and thoughtful manner, allowing space for vulnerability.
- Embrace your own fallibility. It can open the door to true humility and make new, breakthrough learnings possible.
- Stay Calm. Stay Informed. Stay Curious. Stay Connected. Stay Thoughtful.
Resilient Leadership Founder Bob Duggan and Resilient Leadership Trainers Mike Nowland and John Moyer contributed to this article.