When You Think About Your Relationships, Does Your Behavior Make Them More or Less Anxious?

It is the province of knowledge to speak 
and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.”

Oliver Wendall Holmes, Sr. 

When You Think About Your Relationships, Does Your Behavior Make Them More or Less Anxious?

Resilient Leadership is a new way of SEEING, THINKING and LEADING.

This new way of THINKING calls us to pay close attention to the Emotional Systems that are a part of everything we do. Emotional Systems govern, for better or worse, all relationships we have with those in our organization, our family or our social circles.

When a leader thinks about emotional dynamics (i.e., “thinks systems”) they reflect thoughtfully first on their own actions, reactions, and interactions and then on the actions, reactions and interactions of others.

Then, equipped with a wider and deeper perspective, the resilient leader has a better idea about what to do, what to say, and conversely what to avoid doing or saying. They act to lower anxiety and build cooperation.


  • Consider how the emotional dynamic of your team/family/friends is currently functioning. Is anxiety high, low, or somewhere in between?
  • Now, assess your own level of self-awareness and self-regulation. How reactive are you? Is your behavior making these relationships, these emotional systems, more or less anxious? Is cooperation increasing because of what you are doing or perhaps choosing not to do?

Try It:

  • What can you do, specifically, to adjust your own behavior to calm your relationship systems so they are more open, creative, and enriching?
  • What patterns need to change from hindering effective action to promoting effective action in yourself or among others in your team, family or social circles?
  • See what happens. Discover what you did not SEE before. Discover what you did not THINK before.  Discover how you did not LEAD before.

To learn how to SEE, THINK and LEAD more effectively using the resources of Resilient Leadership, please contact us at: https://www.resilientleadershipdevelopment.com/contact-us/.

Mike Nowland, President
Enriched Learning and Development, LLC
A Certified Resilient Leadership Trainer and Coach miken@resilientleadershipdevelopment.com (619) 780-1260