Client driven leadership training programs
Resilient Leadership Development

EQ + RL = Standing on the Shoulders of a Giant!

  • Fact: An impressive accumulation of research data has shown that leaders with higher levels of Emotional Intelligence have a clear edge on a variety of success indicators over those with lower levels of EQ. Resilient Leadership also helps leaders develop their strengths in the critical areas identified by EQ (self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management). But RL adds an important skill set not present in the EQ tool kit: A focus on emotional systems + training in how to “think systems”. Leaders with well-developed EQ have testified that RL has given them an additional, invaluable competency and made them even stronger and more effective leaders.
  • Action: Take the “Are You a Systems Thinker” inventory on pp. 158-59 of Resilient Leadership 2.0 and then read the story of Marvin on pages 9-13. The two Core Practices on page 19 provide accessible steps you can take to strengthen your skills

Resilient Leadership 2.0

Resilient Leadership 2.0

Resilient Leadership 2.0 by Bob Duggan and Bridgette Theurer was written to help leaders navigate the increasingly turbulent times we face.

  • Fact: An impressive accumulation of research data has shown that leaders with higher levels of Emotional Intelligence have a clear edge on a variety of success indicators over those with lower levels of EQ. Resilient Leadership also helps leaders develop their strengths in the critical areas identified by EQ (self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management). But RL adds an important skill set not present in the EQ tool kit: A focus on emotional systems + training in how to “think systems”. Leaders with well-developed EQ have testified that RL has given them an additional, invaluable competency and made them even stronger and more effective leaders.
  • Action: Take the “Are You a Systems Thinker” inventory on pp. 158-59 of Resilient Leadership 2.0 and then read the story of Marvin on pages 9-13. The two Core Practices on page 19 provide accessible steps you can take to strengthen your skills

Resilient Leadership 2.0

Resilient Leadership 2.0

Resilient Leadership 2.0 by Bob Duggan and Bridgette Theurer was written to help leaders navigate the increasingly turbulent times we face.

What is Really Going On Here?

  • Fact: Much, maybe most, of what is going on in life (our social networks) is based on automatic functioning (AKA instinctual responses). We would like to think that our day-to-day action follows a well-considered, thoughtful pattern. Sorry – overwhelming scientific research indicates that’s not true. For the most part, we are being pulled along in the fast-moving and often turbulent currents of our emotions. What to do?
  • Action: Three steps will help.
    First: Simply be more self-observant. Get in touch with your own emotional state. In other words: “Wake Up!”
    Next: Consider your part in the drama unfolding around you. Work at seeing yourself more objectively and then ask yourself, “How is my way of behaving or thinking helping me at the moment?” “Am I acting or thinking in a way that will help me get what I want?”
    Finally: Recast your way of thinking and behaving with an expanded level of self-awareness. Practice “Staying Awake”.

 
Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

To find out how resilient you are click here for your free or full assessment.

  • Fact: Much, maybe most, of what is going on in life (our social networks) is based on automatic functioning (AKA instinctual responses). We would like to think that our day-to-day action follows a well-considered, thoughtful pattern. Sorry – overwhelming scientific research indicates that’s not true. For the most part, we are being pulled along in the fast-moving and often turbulent currents of our emotions. What to do?
  • Action: Three steps will help.
    First: Simply be more self-observant. Get in touch with your own emotional state. In other words: “Wake Up!”
    Next: Consider your part in the drama unfolding around you. Work at seeing yourself more objectively and then ask yourself, “How is my way of behaving or thinking helping me at the moment?” “Am I acting or thinking in a way that will help me get what I want?”
    Finally: Recast your way of thinking and behaving with an expanded level of self-awareness. Practice “Staying Awake”.

 
Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

To find out how resilient you are click here for your free or full assessment.

Don’t be burned!

  • Fact: Burnout is more often a result of feeling responsible for things that are not yours to carry than it is a result of having too much to do on your plate. Both can and do contribute to feeling overwhelmed and depleted, but the former is often an overlooked factor in employee burnout.
  • Action: Reflect on the definition of overfunctioning: To feel, think or act for another in a way that erodes the other’s capacity for ownership and effective action. Consider where and with whom you might be overfunctioning, and whether you might be feeling responsible for things that are not yours to carry. For example, do you feel responsible for others being happy? While you might impact others’ happiness, whether they actually are is their responsibility, not yours. Practice letting go of the burdens and concerns that belong with others and put your energy into doing those things that only you can do.

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

To find out how resilient you are click here for your free or full assessment.

  • Fact: Burnout is more often a result of feeling responsible for things that are not yours to carry than it is a result of having too much to do on your plate. Both can and do contribute to feeling overwhelmed and depleted, but the former is often an overlooked factor in employee burnout.
  • Action: Reflect on the definition of overfunctioning: To feel, think or act for another in a way that erodes the other’s capacity for ownership and effective action. Consider where and with whom you might be overfunctioning, and whether you might be feeling responsible for things that are not yours to carry. For example, do you feel responsible for others being happy? While you might impact others’ happiness, whether they actually are is their responsibility, not yours. Practice letting go of the burdens and concerns that belong with others and put your energy into doing those things that only you can do.

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

To find out how resilient you are click here for your free or full assessment.

Emotional triangles can be healthy or toxic

How we show up within our emotional triangles make the difference.

  • Fact: Two-person (dyad) relationships inevitably encounter rough spots which build anxiety in the partners.  When this happens, one or both of them will seek out a “sounding board” to talk things over. In an instant, the triangle is formed.  If you are the sounding board, what you say and do will determine the direction for the emotional triangle – toxic or healthy.
  • Action: What should we do?  For a few suggestions, go to: https://www.resilientleadershipdevelopment.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Triangles-RL-LLC.pdf

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

To find out how resilient you are click here for your free or full assessment.

How we show up within our emotional triangles make the difference.

  • Fact: Two-person (dyad) relationships inevitably encounter rough spots which build anxiety in the partners.  When this happens, one or both of them will seek out a “sounding board” to talk things over. In an instant, the triangle is formed.  If you are the sounding board, what you say and do will determine the direction for the emotional triangle – toxic or healthy.
  • Action: What should we do?  For a few suggestions, go to: https://www.resilientleadershipdevelopment.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Triangles-RL-LLC.pdf

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

To find out how resilient you are click here for your free or full assessment.

Embody Your Length

  • Fact: Research done by psychologist John Riskind and others shows that the simple act of adopting an upright posture, as opposed to a slumped one, makes us feel more confident and less stressed, helps us to receive constructive feedback more effectively and makes us more persistent problem solvers.
  • Action: Whenever you have to engage in a tough conversation or take an unpopular stand, embody your length– sit upright with a tall spine, shoulders open and relaxed and chin slightly tilted up. Hold your upright posture in the face of push back and resistance. Doing so will give you the necessary support you need to stay the course and to engage with others from a place of strength.

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

To find out how resilient you are click here for your free or full assessment.

  • Fact: Research done by psychologist John Riskind and others shows that the simple act of adopting an upright posture, as opposed to a slumped one, makes us feel more confident and less stressed, helps us to receive constructive feedback more effectively and makes us more persistent problem solvers.
  • Action: Whenever you have to engage in a tough conversation or take an unpopular stand, embody your length– sit upright with a tall spine, shoulders open and relaxed and chin slightly tilted up. Hold your upright posture in the face of push back and resistance. Doing so will give you the necessary support you need to stay the course and to engage with others from a place of strength.

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

To find out how resilient you are click here for your free or full assessment.

Triangles – The Soaps are a Hotbed for Triangles

  • Fact: Next time you have the occasion to watch even 10 minutes of a soap opera, daytime or nighttime, see how long it takes you to recognize the plot line triangle being built on a secret coalition. Someone (husband #1) is talking to someone else (husband #2) about someone else (husband #3’s wife) – it’s so intriguing.
  • Action: These soap operas have such widespread appeal and last so long on daytime, and now even nighttime TV, because they deal with a universal human challenge – managing emotional dynamics. These plot lines go on and on – for years. But so do our own plot lines. Here are some questions to ask yourself this week: Where are the soap operas in my life? What coalitions am I building to manage my emotional stress? How is that working for me? What can/should I do about these coalitions?

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

To find out how resilient you are click here for your free or full assessment.

  • Fact: Next time you have the occasion to watch even 10 minutes of a soap opera, daytime or nighttime, see how long it takes you to recognize the plot line triangle being built on a secret coalition. Someone (husband #1) is talking to someone else (husband #2) about someone else (husband #3’s wife) – it’s so intriguing.
  • Action: These soap operas have such widespread appeal and last so long on daytime, and now even nighttime TV, because they deal with a universal human challenge – managing emotional dynamics. These plot lines go on and on – for years. But so do our own plot lines. Here are some questions to ask yourself this week: Where are the soap operas in my life? What coalitions am I building to manage my emotional stress? How is that working for me? What can/should I do about these coalitions?

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

To find out how resilient you are click here for your free or full assessment.

Your Past is Not Your Present!

  • Fact: All of us have default tendencies – those reactions that we instinctively do without thinking when under pressure. Some of these can be helpful (like hitting the brakes to avoid an accident) while others can hinder us (like becoming defensive any time someone criticizes our team). What can be less obvious is how our reactive tendencies have been shaped by our past, and in particular by our early experiences in our families of origin.
  • Action: Reflect on some of your reactive behaviors that have gotten you into trouble – those things you do automatically without thinking when you feel irritated, pressured or threatened. For each reactive tendency that you can identify, ask yourself this question: What happened in my past (including in my family growing up) that makes me especially sensitive to this trigger? If you can link some of your current reactive patterns to situations you faced a long time ago – and see how the situations you face today are not identical to those of the past – it can help to reduce the strength of your reactivity and give you more choice in the moment about how best to respond.

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

To find out how resilient you are click here for your free or full assessment.

  • Fact: All of us have default tendencies – those reactions that we instinctively do without thinking when under pressure. Some of these can be helpful (like hitting the brakes to avoid an accident) while others can hinder us (like becoming defensive any time someone criticizes our team). What can be less obvious is how our reactive tendencies have been shaped by our past, and in particular by our early experiences in our families of origin.
  • Action: Reflect on some of your reactive behaviors that have gotten you into trouble – those things you do automatically without thinking when you feel irritated, pressured or threatened. For each reactive tendency that you can identify, ask yourself this question: What happened in my past (including in my family growing up) that makes me especially sensitive to this trigger? If you can link some of your current reactive patterns to situations you faced a long time ago – and see how the situations you face today are not identical to those of the past – it can help to reduce the strength of your reactivity and give you more choice in the moment about how best to respond.

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

To find out how resilient you are click here for your free or full assessment.

Want to get off the Over/Under Function Seesaw? Just stop!

  • Fact: Both overfunctioning and underfunctioning are reciprocal phenomena. That means you can’t have one without the other. Whenever you are overfunctioning, that pattern is connected to underfunctioning somewhere else in the system. This is one of the “iron laws” of emotional systems, even when the connection is difficult or nearly impossible to spot.
  • Action: Think systems, and trust that if you stop your part in this reciprocal seesaw, the other(s) will eventually course-correct and move towards a more balanced pattern. Anticipate initial push-back as you adjust your behaviors. But if you persist in your commitment to a more balanced way of functioning, in the end the other(s) will adjust their functioning as well

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

To find out how resilient you are click here for your free or full assessment.

  • Fact: Both overfunctioning and underfunctioning are reciprocal phenomena. That means you can’t have one without the other. Whenever you are overfunctioning, that pattern is connected to underfunctioning somewhere else in the system. This is one of the “iron laws” of emotional systems, even when the connection is difficult or nearly impossible to spot.
  • Action: Think systems, and trust that if you stop your part in this reciprocal seesaw, the other(s) will eventually course-correct and move towards a more balanced pattern. Anticipate initial push-back as you adjust your behaviors. But if you persist in your commitment to a more balanced way of functioning, in the end the other(s) will adjust their functioning as well

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

To find out how resilient you are click here for your free or full assessment.

Reacting to Mixed Messages

  • Fact: All families, companies, and organizations send mixed messages from time to time. In fact, the majority of leaders we work with think they are communicating more clearly and consistently than they are. Most often the lack of clarity or inconsistency in messaging is unintentional, yet the impact on employees is palpable. Mixed messages create confusion, lower trust and in general provoke reactivity in the emotional system. Some employees “resign in place” as a result of the contradictions they see, while others might fight the system or engage in sabotage.
  • Action: If you are a leader, ask yourself where you might be sending mixed messages inadvertently and work to be as consistent and as clear as you can. If you are on the receiving end of mixed messages from your boss or other senior leaders, reflect on how you instinctively react to these perceived contradictions. Do you “resign in place?” or try to “fight the system?” or engage in some other form of reactivity? If so, resolve to respond in a more deliberate and thoughtful way – a way that enables you to still do your best work, while seeking the clarity you need.

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

To find out how resilient you are click here for your free or full assessment.

  • Fact: All families, companies, and organizations send mixed messages from time to time. In fact, the majority of leaders we work with think they are communicating more clearly and consistently than they are. Most often the lack of clarity or inconsistency in messaging is unintentional, yet the impact on employees is palpable. Mixed messages create confusion, lower trust and in general provoke reactivity in the emotional system. Some employees “resign in place” as a result of the contradictions they see, while others might fight the system or engage in sabotage.
  • Action: If you are a leader, ask yourself where you might be sending mixed messages inadvertently and work to be as consistent and as clear as you can. If you are on the receiving end of mixed messages from your boss or other senior leaders, reflect on how you instinctively react to these perceived contradictions. Do you “resign in place?” or try to “fight the system?” or engage in some other form of reactivity? If so, resolve to respond in a more deliberate and thoughtful way – a way that enables you to still do your best work, while seeking the clarity you need.

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

To find out how resilient you are click here for your free or full assessment.

Avoid the Empathy Trap

  • Fact: The 80-20 rule is a well-researched phenomenon that applies across a significant number of areas that claim the time, attention and energy of leaders. One widely reported statistic is that leaders routinely spend 80% of their time dealing with “problem people” (who are almost always among the lowest performing members of the organization) and only 20% on their high-performers. The Appreciative Inquiry movement has amassed an impressive body of research indicating that what an organization focuses on tends to grow larger; what it neglects, tends to shrink. This goes a long way toward explaining why a leader who is constantly spending valuable time on the “problem people” rarely has much of the creative energy needed to foster a healthy corporate culture.
  • Action: Chapter 8 of our recent book, Resilient Leadership 2.0, is entitled “Avoid the Empathy Trap” and suggests a better way of exercising leadership—a way that can help a leader avoid time wasted offering comfort when what is most needed is challenge. If the 80-20 rule is something that rings true for you, read Chapter 8 (pp. 131-46) and determine which of the Core Practices suggested there will most help you escape the empathy trap.

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

To find out how resilient you are click here for your free or full assessment.

  • Fact: The 80-20 rule is a well-researched phenomenon that applies across a significant number of areas that claim the time, attention and energy of leaders. One widely reported statistic is that leaders routinely spend 80% of their time dealing with “problem people” (who are almost always among the lowest performing members of the organization) and only 20% on their high-performers. The Appreciative Inquiry movement has amassed an impressive body of research indicating that what an organization focuses on tends to grow larger; what it neglects, tends to shrink. This goes a long way toward explaining why a leader who is constantly spending valuable time on the “problem people” rarely has much of the creative energy needed to foster a healthy corporate culture.
  • Action: Chapter 8 of our recent book, Resilient Leadership 2.0, is entitled “Avoid the Empathy Trap” and suggests a better way of exercising leadership—a way that can help a leader avoid time wasted offering comfort when what is most needed is challenge. If the 80-20 rule is something that rings true for you, read Chapter 8 (pp. 131-46) and determine which of the Core Practices suggested there will most help you escape the empathy trap.

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

Resilient Leadership Self-Assessment

To find out how resilient you are click here for your free or full assessment.