Client driven leadership training programs
Resilient Leadership Development

Triangle Management = Emotions Management

  • Fact: Building and maintaining healthy and authentic relationships is the hallmark of good friendships and good leadership too. To be a great friend, be open and welcoming but courageous too.
  • Action: Even your best friends will, on occasion, try to draw you into a toxic conversation about someone else. Don’t take the bait. To preserve great relationships keep them wholesome by keeping them free of gossip, scapegoating or third person criticisms.
  • Fact: Building and maintaining healthy and authentic relationships is the hallmark of good friendships and good leadership too. To be a great friend, be open and welcoming but courageous too.
  • Action: Even your best friends will, on occasion, try to draw you into a toxic conversation about someone else. Don’t take the bait. To preserve great relationships keep them wholesome by keeping them free of gossip, scapegoating or third person criticisms.

Are you a Systems Thinker?

  • Fact: Leaders “think systems” by reflecting thoughtfully on the actions, reactions, and interactions they have observed among the people within the system of which they are a part. The anxiety-driven forces that make up the emotional system of families, teams and organizations cannot be directly observed. Reactivity, however, is the “public face” of anxiety and reveals to the thoughtful observer a great deal about the system and what is happening beneath conscious awareness.
  • Action: Set aside time to focus and reflect on the emotional system you are part of (family and work being the most obvious and important systems for most of us). Be deliberate about trying to understand what is underneath a subtle—and perhaps not so subtle—reactive behavior that you observe in yourself, in others or in the system at large. Focus on a single behavior that is clearly reactive and disruptive, but do not be lured into thinking it is the behavior that is the issue or problem. See it as a symptom, and probe more deeply into the source and intensity of the anxiety that must be driving such a behavior. Reflect on where there may be hidden connections with other parts of the system, and ask yourself how anxiety elsewhere might be spreading like a contagious virus, only to surface in the behavior that has caught your attention.
  • Fact: Leaders “think systems” by reflecting thoughtfully on the actions, reactions, and interactions they have observed among the people within the system of which they are a part. The anxiety-driven forces that make up the emotional system of families, teams and organizations cannot be directly observed. Reactivity, however, is the “public face” of anxiety and reveals to the thoughtful observer a great deal about the system and what is happening beneath conscious awareness.
  • Action: Set aside time to focus and reflect on the emotional system you are part of (family and work being the most obvious and important systems for most of us). Be deliberate about trying to understand what is underneath a subtle—and perhaps not so subtle—reactive behavior that you observe in yourself, in others or in the system at large. Focus on a single behavior that is clearly reactive and disruptive, but do not be lured into thinking it is the behavior that is the issue or problem. See it as a symptom, and probe more deeply into the source and intensity of the anxiety that must be driving such a behavior. Reflect on where there may be hidden connections with other parts of the system, and ask yourself how anxiety elsewhere might be spreading like a contagious virus, only to surface in the behavior that has caught your attention.

How is it possible to remain balanced in a VUCA world?

  • Fact: It is an undeniable fact that the world we live in today is characterized by Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity, and Ambiguity (VUCA). Those who are in a positon of responsibility—at home or at work—cannot escape the challenges posed by the demands of leadership in a world of such intensity and escalating chaos. Since “being responsible” is an essential dimension of leadership, the temptation to overfunction is strong and powerful. Recall, the definition of overfunctioning is “to think, feel or act for another in a way that erodes another’s capacity for ownership or thoughtful action.”
  • Action:Action: How to balance legitimate claims of responsibility that are ours as leaders, without feeling responsible for what is not ours to carry is a huge issue. Try this: (1) Make a high-level list of no more than 10 of the major areas/things that you feel responsible for at home or at work. (2) Then go back and thoughtfully put a percentage number beside each item, indicating how much of the responsibility is truly yours to carry. (3) Finally, go back a second time and put the percentage that represents how much you feel and act as if you are responsible for each item. (4) Study the items where there is a significant difference in the percentage numbers, and consider the implications where it appears you are overfunctioning.
  • Fact: It is an undeniable fact that the world we live in today is characterized by Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity, and Ambiguity (VUCA). Those who are in a positon of responsibility—at home or at work—cannot escape the challenges posed by the demands of leadership in a world of such intensity and escalating chaos. Since “being responsible” is an essential dimension of leadership, the temptation to overfunction is strong and powerful. Recall, the definition of overfunctioning is “to think, feel or act for another in a way that erodes another’s capacity for ownership or thoughtful action.”
  • Action:Action: How to balance legitimate claims of responsibility that are ours as leaders, without feeling responsible for what is not ours to carry is a huge issue. Try this: (1) Make a high-level list of no more than 10 of the major areas/things that you feel responsible for at home or at work. (2) Then go back and thoughtfully put a percentage number beside each item, indicating how much of the responsibility is truly yours to carry. (3) Finally, go back a second time and put the percentage that represents how much you feel and act as if you are responsible for each item. (4) Study the items where there is a significant difference in the percentage numbers, and consider the implications where it appears you are overfunctioning.

12 Reasons to be interested in the RL Coach Certification Program

  1. Want to know why your boss has stopped talking with you? Come to Resilient Leadership Coach Certification training and find out.
  2. Attend the Resilient Leadership Coach Certification Program and earn ICF Continuing Coach Certification Credits (CCEs) (41 Core Competencies Units and 6.75 Resource Development Units).
  3. What to stay calm going to and coming home from work? Come to Resilient Leadership Coach Certification training and find out.
  4. The Resilient Leadership Coach Certification Program helps leaders know how to see, understand and skillfully manage themselves in the emotional dynamics that surround their interactions with others.
  5. Training in Resilient Leadership helps leaders know how to see, think and powerfully lead within the emotional dynamics of family life and work life.
  6. Practicing Resilient Leadership principles helps leaders reduce their stress level by equipping them with the knowledge and tools to “Step Down” their own internal anxiety.
  7. Resilient Leaders are able to see and manage their own emotional triangles by maintaining a calm, clear and convicted stance in those triangles.
  8. Resilient Leaders learn that anxious feelings are caused by an automatic response to a real or perceived threat. They learn how to stop and think: “What’s causing me to feel anxious right now? Is my level of concern realistic?” If their answer is yes, they decide what action is needed to bring control back.  If no, they see their over-reaction for what it is and they can smile to and at themselves and move ahead.
  9. Resilient Leadership certified coaches know how to help their clients calm themselves and others down in the face of ever increasing anxiety. They help their clients feel more in control than ever before.
  10. Resilient Leadership offer a way to understand the actions and behaviors of others as coping mechanism to help them manage their emotions, which are always transient and fleeting.
  11. Certified Professional Coaches who successfully complete the Resilient Leadership Coach Certification Program will be able to list their credential (Resilient Leadership Certified Coach) for two years following completion of the program.
  12. Learn to calm down by applying Bowen’s Family Systems Theory at work and home.

Hello out there. Are you staying connected?

  • Fact: When we are juggling busy, complex schedules, we can easily lose touch with important friends, colleagues, constituents. We let time pass by with little notice, and before we know it, our connection with key stakeholders has weakened. When this happens, we hesitate to pick up the phone and call or send a note.
  • Action: Be proactive. The longer we wait to take action, the harder it is to reconnect. Each Monday morning identify 1 connection to rekindle that week. Make the call or send the note before week’s end. Every week!
  • Fact: When we are juggling busy, complex schedules, we can easily lose touch with important friends, colleagues, constituents. We let time pass by with little notice, and before we know it, our connection with key stakeholders has weakened. When this happens, we hesitate to pick up the phone and call or send a note.
  • Action: Be proactive. The longer we wait to take action, the harder it is to reconnect. Each Monday morning identify 1 connection to rekindle that week. Make the call or send the note before week’s end. Every week!

Are You Being Trapped By the Poorly Differentiated?

  • Fact: Every organization will at some point have poorly differentiated people within their ranks. A poorly differentiated person is highly reactive, intrusive of others’ boundaries and does not take responsibility for self. As such, they often demand a disproportionate amount of a leader’s time and energy to manage and contain. This comes at a high cost for both the leader and for his or her team, who often grow to resent the poorly differentiated employee.
  • Action: Reflect on whether any of your current employees are poorly differentiated and if so, what impact they are having on you and on your team. Consider how much time you are spending managing them and whether you need to change your tactics to produce different results.
  • Fact: Every organization will at some point have poorly differentiated people within their ranks. A poorly differentiated person is highly reactive, intrusive of others’ boundaries and does not take responsibility for self. As such, they often demand a disproportionate amount of a leader’s time and energy to manage and contain. This comes at a high cost for both the leader and for his or her team, who often grow to resent the poorly differentiated employee.
  • Action: Reflect on whether any of your current employees are poorly differentiated and if so, what impact they are having on you and on your team. Consider how much time you are spending managing them and whether you need to change your tactics to produce different results.

Focus on Your Own Functioning

  • Fact: An accumulating body of research is gradually changing the paradigm for what competencies contribute to greater leadership effectiveness. Following more of a military model, an older approach focused on training a leader how to “command and control” others to follow the leader’s directions. Today, the emphasis is shifting toward a focus on the presence and functioning of the leader, so that issues such as self-awareness and self-management carry more equal weight than as learning how best to supervise, delegate, or direct.
  • Action: The RL model captures the essence of this new paradigm of leadership effectiveness with three imperatives: Stay Calm, Stay the Course, and Stay Connected. Choose one of these three that feels like it holds the most potential for your personal growth, and then find the relevant chapter (2, 3, or 4) in Resilient Leadership 2.0. Pick just one of the Core Practices from that chapter, and make a commitment to work on it over a sufficient period of time to own it at a deep level.
  • Fact: An accumulating body of research is gradually changing the paradigm for what competencies contribute to greater leadership effectiveness. Following more of a military model, an older approach focused on training a leader how to “command and control” others to follow the leader’s directions. Today, the emphasis is shifting toward a focus on the presence and functioning of the leader, so that issues such as self-awareness and self-management carry more equal weight than as learning how best to supervise, delegate, or direct.
  • Action: The RL model captures the essence of this new paradigm of leadership effectiveness with three imperatives: Stay Calm, Stay the Course, and Stay Connected. Choose one of these three that feels like it holds the most potential for your personal growth, and then find the relevant chapter (2, 3, or 4) in Resilient Leadership 2.0. Pick just one of the Core Practices from that chapter, and make a commitment to work on it over a sufficient period of time to own it at a deep level.

Offering Comfort or Challenge: What is Your Default?

  • Fact: Every leader has a default tendency – a response to struggling employees (or family members) that either favors comfort or challenge. Both responses are important for a leader to have in their repertoire, but most of us have much stronger muscles around one response or the other. Knowing your default tendency gives you more choice around which response is most appropriate in any given situation.
  • Action: Spend some time reflecting on your behavior patterns when faced with struggling employees. Is your first instinct to comfort, console, to feel sorry for, or even to rescue? Or is your first instinct to challenge them to rise up and to overcome their adversity? Observe your default tendency in action and notice its impact on you and others. How might you become more balanced and flexible in your response?
  • Fact: Every leader has a default tendency – a response to struggling employees (or family members) that either favors comfort or challenge. Both responses are important for a leader to have in their repertoire, but most of us have much stronger muscles around one response or the other. Knowing your default tendency gives you more choice around which response is most appropriate in any given situation.
  • Action: Spend some time reflecting on your behavior patterns when faced with struggling employees. Is your first instinct to comfort, console, to feel sorry for, or even to rescue? Or is your first instinct to challenge them to rise up and to overcome their adversity? Observe your default tendency in action and notice its impact on you and others. How might you become more balanced and flexible in your response?

“Just Stop!” It sounds simple, but it’s not

 

  • Fact: Once we realize the extent to which we have become caught in a cycle of over- or underfunctioning, it can feel like achieving a healthier balance is literally impossible. The forces that are at work within ourselves and in the larger system around us are usually so imposing that we literally cannot imagine a way out. Fortunately, escape from the destructive cycle requires only that we focus on our own part of the pattern, not that we take on the “other” side (over which we usually have little or no control).
  •  

  • Action: The way out: 1. Identify your part of the reciprocal dynamic. 2. Get in touch with the strength of the hidden driver (i.e., the anxiety) of “A” that has created and sustains “A”. The underlying narrative sounds like this: “It’s “impossible” to change “A”—the risks are too great…even inevitable…the price is too high…etc.” 3. Begin to practice a very small, manageable, opposite behavior, “B”. 4. Persist in your commitment to stop doing “A” even if it seems like it’s too trivial to really matter. 5. Engage in that opposite behavior “B”, over and over. 6. Repeat: Stop “A”– start “B”. 7. Repeat: Stop “A” — replace with “B”. 8. Gradually—incrementally—increase the frequency and scope of Stop “A” – replace with “B”, and watch in amazement as momentum builds, strength grows, and success follows.
  • Fact: Once we realize the extent to which we have become caught in a cycle of over- or underfunctioning, it can feel like achieving a healthier balance is literally impossible. The forces that are at work within ourselves and in the larger system around us are usually so imposing that we literally cannot imagine a way out. Fortunately, escape from the destructive cycle requires only that we focus on our own part of the pattern, not that we take on the “other” side (over which we usually have little or no control).
  • Action: The way out: 1. Identify your part of the reciprocal dynamic. 2. Get in touch with the strength of the hidden driver (i.e., the anxiety) of “A” that has created and sustains “A”. The underlying narrative sounds like this: “It’s “impossible” to change “A”—the risks are too great…even inevitable…the price is too high…etc.” 3. Begin to practice a very small, manageable, opposite behavior, “B”. 4. Persist in your commitment to stop doing “A” even if it seems like it’s too trivial to really matter. 5. Engage in that opposite behavior “B”, over and over. 6. Repeat: Stop “A”– start “B”. 7. Repeat: Stop “A” — replace with “B”. 8. Gradually—incrementally—increase the frequency and scope of Stop “A” – replace with “B”, and watch in amazement as momentum builds, strength grows, and success follows.

Remember the last time you received a hand-written note? How about the last time you sent one?

 

  • Fact: Today, the vast majority of our written communications comes in an electronic format (texts, on-line chat rooms, tweets, e-mails, etc.). These communications are almost all transactional in nature, filled with facts, numbers, observations and decisions. While many of these communications are essential to the ongoing development and management of plans, programs and strategies, they do not serve to nourish a “connection” on the emotional level
  • Action: To “Stay Connected” on the level that nourishes the emotional dimension of relationships, nothing beats a hand-written note. In the midst of the onslaught of electronic communications, the well-crafted, hand-written note delivers a simple message: “Our relationship is important to me, and I want to let you know that.” So, the next time you want a communication to strengthen an important relationship, don’t type it – write it.

 

  • Fact: Today, the vast majority of our written communications comes in an electronic format (texts, on-line chat rooms, tweets, e-mails, etc.). These communications are almost all transactional in nature, filled with facts, numbers, observations and decisions. While many of these communications are essential to the ongoing development and management of plans, programs and strategies, they do not serve to nourish a “connection” on the emotional level
  • Action: To “Stay Connected” on the level that nourishes the emotional dimension of relationships, nothing beats a hand-written note. In the midst of the onslaught of electronic communications, the well-crafted, hand-written note delivers a simple message: “Our relationship is important to me, and I want to let you know that.” So, the next time you want a communication to strengthen an important relationship, don’t type it – write it.